I am no longer a music God.

I had a friend named Jess who - under "favourite music" on Facebook (back when people would actually list their favourite artists and it didn't mean they had to "Like" that artist on Facebook) - used to write "Anything Maeve recommends - she is a music God".  Maeve is my name, by the way.

Anything Maeve recommends - she is a music God.

I was obsessed with that.  I took that declaration so seriously that I used to check every once in a while to make sure it was still there, and then post recommendations for great songs/artists on her wall to ensure I would always be her music God.

Facebook doesn't work quite the same way as it used to, so the declaration is no longer there.  I know it's not because I failed as a music God, but the truth is, years later, that I'm not a music God anymore.

Back in high school, I used to buy every issue of Rolling Stone magazine and look at the top 40 albums on the back page, and highlight all the ones I wanted to own.  I used to go home and spend hours downloading music by "The Artists to Watch" (that's how I discovered Regina Spektor back in 2003/2004 ish), and it would take forever because Kazaa or Limewire or whatever I used back then used to take forever.  I would watch every music channel, download every song played on "The O.C.", "Dawson's Creek", and of course the entire soundtrack from "Garden State", and then I'd listen to it all while I did homework, hung out in my room, or walked anywhere.  I was obsessed with music.  I wanted to know every song and artist worth knowing, and most of the time I did.

University was no different, for the most part.  My music tastes changed somewhat, but my passion for curating an excellent collection of music stayed the same.  As time passed there were faster ways to get music, easier ways to download full albums, and more legit ways to find music worth listening to.  I was older, but no less a music God.

And then I started working full-time - not that I blame work at all - and focusing on other things in my life.  I don't know what... I guess, cooking... reading, maybe?  Or maybe I just had less free time in the day to focus on hunting for and listening to music.  But that can't really be it... that seems like a cop-out.  I guess the truth is that although my love for music has not died out, my desire to have my finger on the pulse of music worth listening to has.  My interest in spending hours searching for new music is no more.  My time available to dedicate to a lot of music listening is less than it's been, and I just don't have the interest in making extra time for it.

This is not to say that I don't listen to or love music anymore.  Nor does it mean that I don't occasionally find some new music and love it and spread the word about it.  It just doesn't happen that often, and not with the strength that it used to.  It's more of an accident now, less of a vocation.

And it's hard to accept this, being that it seemed to be a real part of me at one point, but now that I've put it out into the universe, I'm going to accept it.  There's nothing wrong with it, but the fact remains that I am no longer a music God.