Energy

Once again I'm having an absolutely lovely Saturday. I woke up at 9:00, took my sweet time getting out of bed, and then requested over an hour of silence in the apartment so that I could drink my coffee and read my book club book in peace. My beautiful girlfriend obliged, and it was honestly like a gift. I feel like a million bucks having had that precious time this morning... and I finished my book: Annabel by Kathleen Winter. It's for a new book club I joined and it was incredible.

My inspiration for this post isn't another lovely weekend day though, it's energy. Deep, I know.

I think of a lot of things in terms of energy... "God", for example. When I feel most spiritual and connected to some higher power, it's because I feel the energies of the universe colliding and leading me towards something that - if I open myself up to it - I'm destined to be part of. It's like that feeling of all the stars aligning for something special; those energies working together for something bigger is what I see as God.

I also think of energy and where we get it or lose it. As an introvert, I see myself as gaining energy from peaceful, quiet, and calm time; usually alone, with my girlfriend K., or a close friend. I expend my energy in the opposite situations, where life is busy, full of people and activity. I can handle both kinds of situations, but it just changes my energy; whether I emerge fuelled or exhausted.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend about situations in which you can be a doormat or more aggressive; receiving bad customer service, for example. She was saying that her boyfriend will always speak up in those types of situations; make sure he is heard and that the situation is addressed in some way. Some might see him as an asshole, but she always feels like she is never taken advantage of, and I so appreciate that notion. I hate bad customer service, but will rarely speak up, and if I do, it's not in a very aggressive way. I don't like to think of myself as a doormat though. I see it as where you're willing to spend your energy and where you aren't. There are limits, sure, and there are times where you must speak up... and perhaps situations where you really shouldn't. For me, speaking up - in these situations - often means expending my energy in a way that makes me feel really unsatisfied when it's all over. I don't feel better. So if expending my energy makes me feel worse, then why would I be motivated to act? In my friend's boyfriend's case, he can't not speak up in those situations. He would feel unsatisfied if he didn't, so it makes sense for him and not for me.

Like I said, there are limits, but it helps to consider that we don't have to be separated into doormats and aggressors. If we know ourselves, we just act according to what makes us feel best and that our energy is used wisely.