Energy

Once again I'm having an absolutely lovely Saturday. I woke up at 9:00, took my sweet time getting out of bed, and then requested over an hour of silence in the apartment so that I could drink my coffee and read my book club book in peace. My beautiful girlfriend obliged, and it was honestly like a gift. I feel like a million bucks having had that precious time this morning... and I finished my book: Annabel by Kathleen Winter. It's for a new book club I joined and it was incredible.

My inspiration for this post isn't another lovely weekend day though, it's energy. Deep, I know.

I think of a lot of things in terms of energy... "God", for example. When I feel most spiritual and connected to some higher power, it's because I feel the energies of the universe colliding and leading me towards something that - if I open myself up to it - I'm destined to be part of. It's like that feeling of all the stars aligning for something special; those energies working together for something bigger is what I see as God.

I also think of energy and where we get it or lose it. As an introvert, I see myself as gaining energy from peaceful, quiet, and calm time; usually alone, with my girlfriend K., or a close friend. I expend my energy in the opposite situations, where life is busy, full of people and activity. I can handle both kinds of situations, but it just changes my energy; whether I emerge fuelled or exhausted.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend about situations in which you can be a doormat or more aggressive; receiving bad customer service, for example. She was saying that her boyfriend will always speak up in those types of situations; make sure he is heard and that the situation is addressed in some way. Some might see him as an asshole, but she always feels like she is never taken advantage of, and I so appreciate that notion. I hate bad customer service, but will rarely speak up, and if I do, it's not in a very aggressive way. I don't like to think of myself as a doormat though. I see it as where you're willing to spend your energy and where you aren't. There are limits, sure, and there are times where you must speak up... and perhaps situations where you really shouldn't. For me, speaking up - in these situations - often means expending my energy in a way that makes me feel really unsatisfied when it's all over. I don't feel better. So if expending my energy makes me feel worse, then why would I be motivated to act? In my friend's boyfriend's case, he can't not speak up in those situations. He would feel unsatisfied if he didn't, so it makes sense for him and not for me.

Like I said, there are limits, but it helps to consider that we don't have to be separated into doormats and aggressors. If we know ourselves, we just act according to what makes us feel best and that our energy is used wisely.

Energy gain/drain: a few words on introversion

I'm not sure if I've written much about introversion on this blog, which is surprising because it's a topic I think about quite a bit.  I won't write at length right now, but I will share a neat item my friend shared with me: Dr. Carmella's Guide to Understanding the Introverted.

I generally agree with the way she's mapped things out here.  I don't necessarily think of myself as living in a hamster ball, but I get the principle of it.

 

However, there's a concept that I never really thought of here -- extroverts sapping the energy of introverts.  Or really anyone sapping the energy of introverts.  Actually, it's not even that, it's the idea of introverts giving their energy to others.

 

I've often thought about the fact that as an introvert I gain energy from downtime and that social situations drain energy from me.  But I never thought about the fact that I give energy to people.  It makes sense though!

 

And then I can't help but think about how much the giving/draining of energy varies from person to person.  My girlfriend K, for example.  We live together and I rarely think of her as someone who drains my energy.  I certainly give my energy to her, and am happy to, but there's a number of factors that keep me from feeling drained.  (1) We live together and I gain so much of my energy from being in my home surroundings, so there's a comfort there.  (2) Now that we live together and spend so much time together, I've begun to think of our time together as "alone time", despite not being fully alone.  Alone time gives me energy for sure, so I'm able to still gain energy while with K.  (3) She gives me so much energy back, so there's an exchange that keeps me from feeling drained.

 

K is definitely a special person when it comes to the energy gain/drain, but I feel that way about my other closest friends, too.  They give me so much back so I never feel as drained after spending time with them (especially if it's at my place) as I would, say at a random acquaintance's house party.  All those new people and the unfamiliar turf; it makes for an energy drain.  It doesn't mean I can't do it, nor does it mean I can't perform well, but it's definitely a drain.

 

Anyway, gotta love some morning food for thought...