Sum.

I have plans of making Eggs Benedict for myself for the first time tonight. It's a favourite in breakfast spots, but I've never made it at home before and I want to try. But before I go off to the kitchen to do that...

I had an amazing weekend ripping it in Toronto with my newest best buddy; let's call her K.E.S.P. Today is the final day before I head back to work after a glorious holiday, so it was a delight to spend the weekend having fun with a friend and indulging in a number of pleasures. I got back to Waterloo around 1:30 ish and immediately cuddled with my kitty Spoon (I didn't take off my jacket or boots for at least 5 minutes... Spoonie deserved the attention). Then I felt like I needed a nap, so I climbed in bed and tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I tried to turn something on to watch that I'd hopefully fall asleep to, but it didn't happen. So, I figured I'd just lounge in bed, snuggling with Spoon, and watch something I actually want to watch. That's what brings me to the reason I wanted to post right now...

I Am.

K.E.S.P. watched this documentary recently and highly recommended it, so I was happy to take the time to watch it. It was fantastic!!! I won't bother summarizing it for you, I suggest you watch it yourself. There were so many amazing takeaways, but here's the fact that resonated most with me.

We are all connected. Everything we do has an impact.

I tend to get overwhelmed watching documentaries with big ideas like this one had. I get so wrapped up in the good ideas and want so desperately to implement them in my own life, but being overwhelmed, I often end up implementing nothing at all. So I'm going to take a "small" part of this idea and work to consider it as regularly as possible.

Consider the energy I'm putting out into the universe. 

I know the feeling of walking into a room and feeling an existing tension that you may not have the context for, but you can actually feel. My cat Spoon knows that feeling, too. When my GF K. and I have a big talk (also known as a fight) and we're sitting next to each other on the bed, crying, maybe speaking in loud voices, feeling intense emotions, etc., Spoon jumps up and sits in between us (an example of another message in the movie: that all living things are the same).

The energy that I put out there matters. Big changes happen because of individuals' consciousness spreading enough to translate into critical mass and action. But even if big change isn't my goal, everything I do has an impact, great or small. Do I put enough thought into what I do? Do I consider the impact of my words, actions, and even thoughts and emotions? I think I could stand to be more conscious of those things. And it's not about being hard on myself, or critical, or changing everything I do and everything I am. Increased consciousness is small but mighty, and I'm conscious that I could be more conscious.

Now... onto Eggs Benedict!

Energy

Once again I'm having an absolutely lovely Saturday. I woke up at 9:00, took my sweet time getting out of bed, and then requested over an hour of silence in the apartment so that I could drink my coffee and read my book club book in peace. My beautiful girlfriend obliged, and it was honestly like a gift. I feel like a million bucks having had that precious time this morning... and I finished my book: Annabel by Kathleen Winter. It's for a new book club I joined and it was incredible.

My inspiration for this post isn't another lovely weekend day though, it's energy. Deep, I know.

I think of a lot of things in terms of energy... "God", for example. When I feel most spiritual and connected to some higher power, it's because I feel the energies of the universe colliding and leading me towards something that - if I open myself up to it - I'm destined to be part of. It's like that feeling of all the stars aligning for something special; those energies working together for something bigger is what I see as God.

I also think of energy and where we get it or lose it. As an introvert, I see myself as gaining energy from peaceful, quiet, and calm time; usually alone, with my girlfriend K., or a close friend. I expend my energy in the opposite situations, where life is busy, full of people and activity. I can handle both kinds of situations, but it just changes my energy; whether I emerge fuelled or exhausted.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend about situations in which you can be a doormat or more aggressive; receiving bad customer service, for example. She was saying that her boyfriend will always speak up in those types of situations; make sure he is heard and that the situation is addressed in some way. Some might see him as an asshole, but she always feels like she is never taken advantage of, and I so appreciate that notion. I hate bad customer service, but will rarely speak up, and if I do, it's not in a very aggressive way. I don't like to think of myself as a doormat though. I see it as where you're willing to spend your energy and where you aren't. There are limits, sure, and there are times where you must speak up... and perhaps situations where you really shouldn't. For me, speaking up - in these situations - often means expending my energy in a way that makes me feel really unsatisfied when it's all over. I don't feel better. So if expending my energy makes me feel worse, then why would I be motivated to act? In my friend's boyfriend's case, he can't not speak up in those situations. He would feel unsatisfied if he didn't, so it makes sense for him and not for me.

Like I said, there are limits, but it helps to consider that we don't have to be separated into doormats and aggressors. If we know ourselves, we just act according to what makes us feel best and that our energy is used wisely.