Energy

Once again I'm having an absolutely lovely Saturday. I woke up at 9:00, took my sweet time getting out of bed, and then requested over an hour of silence in the apartment so that I could drink my coffee and read my book club book in peace. My beautiful girlfriend obliged, and it was honestly like a gift. I feel like a million bucks having had that precious time this morning... and I finished my book: Annabel by Kathleen Winter. It's for a new book club I joined and it was incredible.

My inspiration for this post isn't another lovely weekend day though, it's energy. Deep, I know.

I think of a lot of things in terms of energy... "God", for example. When I feel most spiritual and connected to some higher power, it's because I feel the energies of the universe colliding and leading me towards something that - if I open myself up to it - I'm destined to be part of. It's like that feeling of all the stars aligning for something special; those energies working together for something bigger is what I see as God.

I also think of energy and where we get it or lose it. As an introvert, I see myself as gaining energy from peaceful, quiet, and calm time; usually alone, with my girlfriend K., or a close friend. I expend my energy in the opposite situations, where life is busy, full of people and activity. I can handle both kinds of situations, but it just changes my energy; whether I emerge fuelled or exhausted.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend about situations in which you can be a doormat or more aggressive; receiving bad customer service, for example. She was saying that her boyfriend will always speak up in those types of situations; make sure he is heard and that the situation is addressed in some way. Some might see him as an asshole, but she always feels like she is never taken advantage of, and I so appreciate that notion. I hate bad customer service, but will rarely speak up, and if I do, it's not in a very aggressive way. I don't like to think of myself as a doormat though. I see it as where you're willing to spend your energy and where you aren't. There are limits, sure, and there are times where you must speak up... and perhaps situations where you really shouldn't. For me, speaking up - in these situations - often means expending my energy in a way that makes me feel really unsatisfied when it's all over. I don't feel better. So if expending my energy makes me feel worse, then why would I be motivated to act? In my friend's boyfriend's case, he can't not speak up in those situations. He would feel unsatisfied if he didn't, so it makes sense for him and not for me.

Like I said, there are limits, but it helps to consider that we don't have to be separated into doormats and aggressors. If we know ourselves, we just act according to what makes us feel best and that our energy is used wisely.

Two of Hearts: 3 Movies I Watched this Weekend

It is Monday after the long Easter weekend and I am very slowly adjusting back to a life where I must wake up, do things, wear clothing without elastic waistlines, and be generally presentable.  Normally I'm okay with this, but today I'm not.  It was a delightful weekend!  Highlights include time spent with great friends including karaoke, a beautiful trip to Mel's Diner, time spent on the couch, time spent with more friends, GREEK EASTER!!!, and some epic movie viewing.  I could go on about all elements, but I think I'll focus on one - epic movie viewing.

Having read that Michael Alig is going to be released from prison on May 5, I was reminded that I've always wanted to watch Party Monster.  My friend W. was visiting for a few nights and I asked him if he'd seen it (assuming he had) - he hadn't!  W. was the perfect viewing partner for this movie.  Even better, it was on Netflix.  Bam.  W. whipped up some hummus and we hunkered down for a viewing.  It was a very interesting movie.  I thought Macaulay Culkin and Seth Green both did great jobs in their respective parts, without knowing too too much about Michael Alig and James St. James.  The movie was creepy, funny, enlightening, fascinating, dark, and sad.  I'm now fascinated by club kid culture and keen to read more.  One particularly intense moment was when James St. James was down and out and Michael Alig puts on a cassette to cheer him up.  What's the song?  Stacey Q's "Two of Hearts".  What was one of the two songs my friends and I sang at karaoke the evening before?  Two of Hearts.  Serendipitous, no?

Anyway, Saturday afternoon I was chilling by myself and decided to watch one of the recommended films for people interested in "Party Monster".  One of them was a documentary called "Limelight" about Peter Gatien, legendary club owner who owned the Limelight in New York City where Michael Alig was a promoter.  I learned more about the club kid culture, the introduction of ecstasy to NYC, Peter Gatien (from Cornwall, Ontario), and the massive lawsuit that targetted Gatien as responsible for the rampant drug use and selling in his clubs.  This film was equally fascinating.

Finally, I watched something quite different but not totally unrelated: "Philadelphia". I've watched this movie a handful of times before, but it never loses its impact.  Tom Hanks is incredible, as is Denzel Washington, and the story is so moving and sad.  I still teared up during the epic opera soliloquy.  Incredible!

So there you have it, darlings!  A weekend of movies & more!  Until next time!